Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Daily Fights With Depression and Bipolar Disorder

This morning, I read a fellow bloggers post about her struggle and fight with depression. I was inspired by her courage and strength to share something so personal with us. She inspired me to write about my own fight with depression and bipolar disorder.

Most people who know me would never guess that I struggle with mental illnesses. People always say that I'm so bubbly and always have a smile on my face. Which is true cause that's my personality. But, those who are really close to me get to see me fall to the ground crying hard for no reason. They see me get angry for no reason. They see me in my black hole as I contemplate my worthiness of living. This is my story...

About 4 years ago, I was diagnosed and began treatment for depression. I really wasn't surprised by the diagnosis. You see, I probably have been fighting with depression since I was a young girl. Looking back at the times when I wanted to stay in bed instead of playing with friends, the mood swings from happy to anger, and the feeling of knowing something is wrong but you don't know how to go about asking for help. So needless to say, I was relived that I finally had a name and an action plan to go with what I had been dealing with alone and silently all those years. 

The anti-depressant I was on seem to work some days but not others. My loving husband encouraged me to seek more medical attention, which I did. I was accepted into a mental health center where I received counseling, therapy, and a check-up with a psychiatrist. On one of my check-up visits, my psychiatrist drop a bomb on us that we weren't expecting. She diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. What? As if having depression is not enough! She explained that the emotional highs and lows that I have are common signs of someone suffering from bipolar disorder. 

It took me awhile to accept this as fact. Then I started to notice the highs and lows and a light bulb went off in my head. It finally clicked! Ok, I have bipolar disorder. So what? I'm still a loving and caring person. I'm still a fun, bubbly person to be around. 

Depression, bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness does not define a person. Some of the strongest people I know have mental illnesses, and they have to be to combat all the negativity to surrounds mental illnesses. I will never understand why some people still feel like this topic is taboo. We sympathize and help ones that suffer with cancer or diabetes. But let some one with a mental illness ask for that and they get "crazy person" stamped to their forehead.

To everyone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness or know's someone who has, let's stay strong. Let's continue our fights one day at a time with our heads held high. I hope all of you have a loving support group to get you through as I do :)


  1. Thank you for sharing. You have touched me. I have struggled with depression since I was 17 due to PTSD. However, was recently diagnosed as OCD because of the depression. I always think I have to be and do things perfect. But when it's not I end up in bed for a day or two. Its as everything is falling apart. Thankfully, I have a wonderful support system that understands. Blogging has been the best decision I ever made. I am finding that I am more normal than abnormal. :)

  2. Thank you for the kind words :) I'm so happy and proud of you for staying strong through the years. It's not always easy, but it's always better than giving up. Having a great support system is the best thing in the world! Even though we've never met, I'm in your corner cheering for you :)

  3. Thank you for sharing. I was diagnosed with depression about eight years ago. I'm on Lexapro, but because it's so expensive and I don't have insurance, I try to stretch it as much as I can. That definitely causes some not-so-great days. But you're definitely not alone.

    Love your blog. I'll visit again.

    1. Thanks for visiting! I use to be on Lexapro but had to switch to Prozac because of the cost. You would think they would make mental health medication a lot more affordable. It's enough dealing with the illness without having to worry about if you can afford next month's supply. Sheesh! I have been there and I feel you. I hope things go better for you and I too am here for you :)

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  5. Hi Celeste: Thank you for being brave enough to share this. Sometimes mean people are afraid that they may have a certain condition too, so to hide the fear within, they attack that community. Sometimes mean people don't like ANYONE. Sometimes people like this, who insist on labeling some as crazy, are afraid that someone may harass and target them, so they make a big deal of targeting others to direct attention away from themselves. We know that is the experience for any person or group that is made to feel an outsider, and not wanted.

    I've read a lot over the years about psychological issues and mental illness. I just know a little bit and like to share. I am glad that it is getting easier to talk about it publicly. It's still frightening and something to shun for most people, I think.

    I feel I could have greatly benefited from some help in my childhood. But I, like so many, had to grow up without help with mental and emotional issues, and in circumstances that made it all worse. But now I am always working to be more mentally and emotionally healthy. I read, study and try to be more frequently aware of myself. I have strong faith, which is important to me also.

    You are blessed to have a good husband to help and support you, and I am happy for you that everything is going so well. I am glad to know you. I think you're young enough to be my daughter, though. :) It is my hope that as time goes on you will have to fight less and less as all continues to improve. Have a nice evening.

  6. Thanks for sharing your story. I think you'd be surprised at how many people have some type of mental disorder now days...I've had an anxiety disorder since the age of 10; however, I've learned how to deal with my anxiety/depression issues with self help, like: books, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and exercise. My advice would be never take medication.